Quarantine Revelation: Most Friendships Are For Show

For several years now, I have tried to pursue quality relationships with people in different social environments such as academics, religious, etc. 

We, as a society, have traded quality relationships with numbers on a social media platform, such as Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc. We have perfected the art of preventing others from seeing the messy side of life by posting filtered pictures, edited videos, and only picturesque photos of the best vacation memories, etc. We have also done this by being fake with those whom we encounter in real life. We say, “I am fine,” when asked how we are doing by our friends and family in fear that we would be looked down upon or rejected for not having our lives in order. In essence, we have built virtual transparent fortresses around ourselves.

Even in groups which are designed for being more open and honest, the same generic struggles are shared. At least that has been my experience. On the other side of the coin is when these groups resort to basically entertainment or very superficial activities in order to keep people coming back. In a sense, I do not fault these groups because they need attendance to maintain viability.

As a result, we have been more isolated than ever before. 

It is no secret this past year I have tried my hardest to connect with people from academic and religious circles. I have reached out to multiple people multiple times throughout this past year and even these past few months. One of the reoccurring phrases I have heard before the pandemic was,  “I am too busy.” Well, you had two plus months where we were all stuck in our houses.” A perfect opportunity for people to slow down and take the time to converse with me. I will admit that I have been on some group zoom calls etc. For the most part though, they just felt like they were so superficial and meant to keep people feeling like they were cared for. 

The proof is in the pudding. The last zoom call I was on was early May. Now it is late May and I have personally not heard from any of them. Now you might be thinking, “you can reach out to them too you know.” To which I say, “I do not have the desire to chase people anymore.” Also these encounters are often meant to be seen by others as a good deed or a some kind of charity if they do something. The truth always comes out sooner than later.

Here is one example of this: In late February, I reached out to an individual because I genuinely just wanted to hang out and build a friendship. The 1st red flag was that we ended scheduling our meet up through a third party. At the time I thought this was odd too. Honestly, the whole meeting was rushed. I have not heard from this individual in two months though I have reached out to him on numerous occasions trying to build and maintain a friendship. I honestly liked getting to know the other side of him.

I have a plethora of examples of this. When people are not getting seen by others as doing a good deed, they typically do not give a shit. 

So, as we reopen the country, quite frankly I don’t know when my quarantine will end unless people start using it an opportunity to be seen as doing a heroic thing for a crippled person. Honestly I am not falling for it anymore. I fear I will mostly be stuck in my apartment all summer.

This quarantine has shown me whom my real friends are. Ironically, it is not those whom I saw multiple times a week and supposedly did life with. It is a very small group of individuals whom I have connected with throughout the world through the internet. Though I have never met the majority of these people in real life due to geographical limitations. I know them a lot more than those people whom I saw multiple times a week.

So, while I am still open to creating friendships with anyone who is reading this and knows me personally, I am not chasing after friendships that are not mutually reciprocated. This reality may mean I cut ties which certain social circles.